Writing my speech for W.O.R.D.S.C.A.M.P.

I have a busy working weekend ahead of myself.

My wife (Mrs Belm) will be entertaining herself with Henrietta Scuttlers, getting roaring drunk whilst watching televised sport.

I only hope there is no nakedness this time as I wish to concentrate fully on writing my keynote addressage for next week’s W.O.R.D.S.C.A.M.P..

I will also take the opportunity, when Mrs Belm (my wife) is recovering from her hangover, to pop over to Sheepy Magna to climatisation with the actual factual venue.

The Sheepy Magna community centre and dog grooming parlour is somewhere I am vaguely familiarised with, but it will be good to get a feel of the place afore my keynote address. It is a cavernous place and could be quite daunting for the unprepared and understated:

It will also be good to screw my eyes tight shut and actually factually attempt to visualise it full of WORDSCAMPers, hanging on my every word and sat in awe of how great I am and stuff.

WORDSCAMP itself starts with an informal pygmy roast on Friday (27th of June) and then the main seminar, workshops, speeches and slumber parties take place on Saturday and Sunday (28th and 29th of June).

The other speakers on Saturday and Sunday will be:

• the esteemed Edward Framley Esq, off of Edgbaston, who will talk in favour of the use of electricity.
• Jeremy Grubb, son of a model-maker who works at PC World.
• Sir Patrick Chinn-Strapp, patron of the 1837 Society (the progressive, centre-half thinktank who believe computers are the work of the devil).
• Billy Gates, who apparently invented the boxes that computers come in or something.

My big moment will come early on Sunday afternoon when I explain how far-sighted I am and how progressive I’ve been for as long as I care to recall.

I will highlight how technology, not just electricity but computers and everything, can be the professional model-maker’s friend in this bold and brassy new world we inhabitise.

I will then issue a rallying call to the entire professional model-making world to join me in burning down the community centre.