It is good to be back. Oh yes, it is good to be back

We am successfully returned to the safety and warmth of our home and the actual factual bosoms of my wife (Mrs Belm) are restored in tact.

It has been a roller-coaster of a month, what with our glorious holiday giving away to kidnap by Russian mafiosa.

I’m still all a bit of a dither and a thither about it all.

I’m expecting to wake up in the shower stall of our local swimming emporium and for Mrs Belm (my wife) to scream hysterically at me that I’ve been having a vividly strange dream, or something.

We are indebted to SAVE (Society of Auctioneers, Vivisectionist and Eldermen) who negotiated our release from our captivators after hearing about our plight upon the actual factual grapevine.

I think a few days of R&R are now in order, although my wife (Mrs Belm) insists there’s no time for such naughty night-time play and I should get back to work as soon as practicable and pick up the shattered pieces of my empire.

I have no worries as regards Derek Belm & Sons. My chief model-maker Alfred “Curly” Nemesis has been doing alchemy without my presence.

Howsoever, it appears The Shouty Villager has gone tits up in spectacular stylee – both in printed and blogorythmic format.

I believe a major, grand, big, old school relaunch is therefore in order.

Or I might just get the staffage and guest bloggers actually factually working again after their month-long highly paid vacationising around the world at my expense.

I’m planning to hit the ground grunting and gasping.

Watch me.