Hobbies I tried and discarded like a bad smell

Some people are stupid enough to describe my work as a “hobby”.

If I’m in the right mood I’ll thrash them with my toolage.

Other times I patiently explain that although there is some low-level model-making that could be classed as hobbyish, what we do is a significant and enormously lucrative vocation.

I also then point out at painstaking length the actual factual hobbies that I have indulged in over the years, to show them the starks differences between my career and my own personal me times.

One of the few hobbies I continue to lust over in a big way is measuring trenches.

But, call me fickle, there are many hobbies I’ve also tried and discarded carelessly, including:

1). Philanthropy – tracking down people, usually males, called Phil and following them about until they get violent and/or call the authorities.

2). Sheep Wrangling – attempting to dress sheep in jeans and other denim clothing.

3). Culture Vulture – trying to teach birds of prey how to write poetry or encouraging them to act in plays and stuff.

4). Speed skating – roller-skating through a busy shopping centre whilst off your tits on amphetimine.

5). Collecting stamps – inviting people to stamp on various parts of your body, then documenting it in words and images.

6). Joinery – joining different clubs, associations and organisations.

7). BMX – Burying Metallic Xylophones in secret locations.

8). Rallying – gathering large groups together to protest about ficticious nonsense.

9). Paint-balling – trying to create representations of golf balls, tennis balls, ping-pong balls, footballs, rugby balls (you get the idea) out of emulsion paint.

10). Jogging – absolutely bloody pointless, just running about for no good reason.

None of these have proved satisfying enough.

Hobbies can be great, can’t they?

But then other times, they’re even more worthless than the most worthless thing you can think of. Life’s funny like that sometimes.